How Much Is Too Much?

There was a discussion recently on an email loop I subscribe to about sharing personal information—not names and addresses or that sort of thing. But personal, private things. The problem wasn’t the sharing; it was that the person who posted the personal information found out it had been shared outside of the loop. The fact that this was a business-type of loop made the dilemma all the more interesting. If information wasn’t prefaced with a confidentiality warning, was it wrong to share it? And does personal information even belong on a loop that pertains to the business of writing? Sure, people get to know one another and get comfy-cozy in their virtual world but… does the false comfort of the internet lure us into crossing boundaries?

When literary agent Pam Hopkins visited our chapter recently, she mentioned professionalism and reminded us all of proper behavior on the internet. Once you put it out there, she said, it’s out there forever. That’s a great way of looking at it, and a reminder that I’m sure all of us need from time to time.

I’m probably as guilty as anyone else of being too personal. I’ve posted pictures of my kids, or used their names, on my blog before now, and on smaller, more intimate loops that aren't necessarily business-focused I've shared personal stories. But a blog is different than an email loop—people choose to visit a blog, choose whether or not to read the posts, and choose whether or not to return to read again. With email, particularly in a business situation, you don’t always know if the latest message to show up in your inbox is important until you’ve read the whole thing.

I’m not saying we can’t share our personal experiences with the friends we make online, but I do think it’s best to proceed with caution and certainly to think twice before sharing something truly personal—i.e., a fight with a husband, problems with your kids, etc. on a loop that’s devoted to business.

It’s hard to say whether the person who prompted the recent loop discussion would behave any differently in a person-to-person situation. Probably not. We’ve all been stuck—either on an airplane, at a dinner party, or on line at the DMV—with someone who wants to tell you their troubles. And I’m willing to bet all these “self talkers” (people who love to talk about themselves) need is a sympathetic audience to get them revved up anyway—any warm body (real or virtual) will do. But it really got me thinking about how much I share, when and where (personally, I’m a notorious loop lurker. It’s not that I have nothing to say, I’m just usually so pressed for time I can’t often participate in loop discussions).

So what’s your opinion on personal sharing online? How much is too much? Does too little come across as snooty, or just otherwise occupied? And how about you? Are you an open book who shares everything—or a closed case?

Happy Writing!

Nic